Nairobi city center turning women into tomboys

For a woman to be regarded a lady it is said that she must act like one. True. However, the environment must also nurture that kind of growth. As much as the Nairobi city center is inevitable for work and pleasure, it fails to offer a conducive environment for ladies. These streets leave no room for elegance and etiquette. Only recently did City Hall send a delegation of hawkers, matatu operators and bodaboda riders to a bench-marking trip in Kigali, Rwanda. Did they learn anything? Is the county government able to bring on some order and sanity to the streets of Nairobi? 

Take for example the state of our roads, most of them lack designated crossing points and even where there is one, motorists continue to ignore the traffic rules as they speed off to reach their destinations. As a result, here is what applies when crossing the road: Look left and then run to the middle of the road as the speeding matatu misses your back by a whisker then look right before crossing the rest of the road. In between however, one has to make do with the bodaboda that pop in from any given direction.

The other challenge is the crowded state of the city center especially on weekdays. To walk from the Koja bus stop to down town Afya Center, a lady has to maneuver through a whole lot of people including pesky parking boys, menacing street boys, beggars and unruly hawkers. As a result, ladies firmly clutch on to their handbags for the fear of any eventuality.  

It is enough that our roads are stressful to maneuver so when rain is added into the picture, a lady will shed tears. The unprecedented pool of water that one has to jump over is unbelievable. No wonder ladies carry two pairs of shoes-adorable high heels for office and rough shoes just for the streets. When a lady finally makes it to the bus stop, she still has to push through the matatu door in the disorderly bus stops. There is no order or comfort on these streets and the city center and the public transport is a mess. 

If the Nairobi County Government truly wants to improve the city environment, then they must look at the solutions from a lady's point of view. Let the county find ways to de-congest the city and apply by laws that will enable a conducive environment for all.

Leave, but for a reason

By Mercy Mbuge

My house help of three months left after giving a two weeks’ notice.

I have always told myself that when someone wanted to step out of my life I would let them go. Therefore, my response to her plea was positive but I was curious to know why she had wanted to leave.

Then she dropped it. The spirit of evil people who had been bewitching her in the village had followed her to the city. Before employing her, I had thought of every reason that made house helps want to leave like being yelled at, feeling alienated from the family, too much work.

I made sure to comply with silent rules of engagement as I had wanted her to stay on for at least two years. But woe unto me. She was now being haunted. Of all the reasons one could think of, I did not see that one coming.

I shared the bizarre story with my mom who advised that I pray with her before going to bed. But she had made up her mind to go back to her home as she claimed that the threats would stop as soon as she landed in the village.

One year is the longest a house help has stayed with us. One stayed in for just three days before announcing her uncle’s burial. Yet another, left unannounced when I had taken my son for a Sunday afternoon outing. We came back only to find ‘aunty’ had left. 

My son is now three years old and on my seventh house help since I gave birth to him. What I am grateful for the most is that they have left my son safe and sound. My key consolation is my son is growing up and becoming more independent.

My best bet is to keep praying that each stays a bit longer and treat us better than the last one.

My father's big four about life

During an annual cousin's meeting, my father shared four important life lessons about God, love, education and alcoholism that he learnt from his father. Here's what he said:

1. God

Find it of great importance to know God, observe a religion and go to church. I learnt about God and how to pray from my parents. Moreover, my father greatly contributed to the spread of the catholic faith in this locality. By the time he passed on in 1962, he had served as a catechist for a number of years. Think about God and think about church. Teach your children to pray and you will find a lot of peace in your later years.

2. Love

You can only begin to truly love others once you have learnt to love yourself; you can only give what you have. Endure to do what is right and present yourself well. One example is to dress well to earn respect at first glance. Secondly, love your parents. When you love them you will not have a reason to regret and say 'I wish I knew' if they leave this world before you. Give them a call every once in a while and let them know what is new in your life. Thirdly, love each other as brothers and sisters and love your neighbours.

3. Education

Back in the day, a woman would be sent away from her matrimonial home for poor workmanship. It was that important then. Times have changed. These days, a good education for you and your children will earn you respect. Find out the best school around and take your children there, especially if you can afford it. You must maximize the potential of a good education.

4. Alcoholism

If you will take alcohol, then do so as a gentleman or lady would. When you take too much alcohol you will find that over time you have nothing to take home to your family and eventually, your family will suffer. On the other hand, if your spouse or someone else in the family drinks a lot, do not isolate him. Find ways of encouraging them. Let them know that you are together with them in the situation and that so many other families have similar struggles. Also, whenever the drinking leads to a family dispute find an amicable way of resolving it so that that the situation does not get worse.

I have had bits and pieces of these advice before but hearing it from my father made a huge difference. These words I will forever hold close to my heart and live up to them as my father has.

Communication steps you must take this year

Effective communication is critical for everyone. In fact, excellent communication highly determines one’s success in any area of life. It's about time you looked into communication aspects that let you down last year. Make this year different. Here's how:

1. Travel intellectually

Read books that will help you grow and enable you to educate other people. Target to read at least one book every two months. If your schedule allows, read a book a month. Don’t read only when you get some free time in your day, schedule time to read. Find out in your workplace or at home who enjoys reading and exchange books with them. Learn about current affairs. Your life will not be the same again as reading gives you the opportunity to travel around the world without a passport. 

 2. Connect with people

A well read person has the power to connect effectively with other people. Find out what groups and associations relate to your career path and participate in them. The more you stay around experts and peers in your field, the more you learn and gain confidence in your role. While connecting, find a mentor to support you in your career path. A mentor will ensure you achieve more as opposed to holding a sense of satisfaction. Follow people who care about what you care about on social media. 

3. Articulate your words

“It is not what you say but how you say it,” Prof. Okoth Okombo. Your efforts to connect with other people will involve a lot of verbal communication. This remains a huge challenge to many people. Get into a public speaking class. When invited to speak publicly or when going to a meeting, prepare well and put down key points. Speak audibly, pronounce each word as it should and calculate your pace. Improve on your interpersonal and public speaking and you will come across as having a strong command in your area of specialisation. 

4. You are a brand; market yourself 

You are gifted in something? You want to grow in it? Then let other people know about it. Growth comes from interacting with people who challenge you. I began to grow in graphic design when I shared my work with other people. Put down a schedule of how you will share your talent each week and watch this work for you. Begin with your connections as you practise your presentation skills, use social media and with time the world will know what you do. You never know, you may make enough to last you a lifetime. It is from giving that you receive. 

5. Take up part-time writing
Write about what you care about. You are an expert in your field but how else will people know if you do not share? Write a blog, an op-ed, a book. I have started a blog on communication to help myself and other people improve on the subject. Spell-check your work and let someone else proof read your work before sharing it out publicly. 

Effective communication is achievable. However it requires practice and consistency. Use the 7C’s checklist (correctness, clarity, conciseness, completeness consideration, concreteness and courtesy) to countercheck your message and tie it into a nice neat bow for your audience.

This article was written by Mercy Mbuge. The author is a communications specialist and graphic designer.