Socrates and Gossip

Photo credit: Eye for Ebony

There is a Jewish proverb that cautions that what you don’t see with your eyes, you should not witness with your mouth. There is also a Turkish proverb that warns that anyone who will gossip to you about someone else will gossip about you with others.

According to a 2009 study conducted by Dr. Nicholas Emler with 300 volunteers, people spend up to 80 percent of their conversations discussing other people and their habits. Interestingly, Dr. Emler observes that gossip has some social benefits like offering a means for people to connect and learn more about others that they have never met. Ladies and gentlemen, this evening I would like to share with you the history of gossip, how to tell the difference between gossip from a good conversation and how to discourage gossip.

Back in the early days in England, gossip was a good thing. It meant companions at child birth. Yes, the group of women that attended a childbirth session to support the midwife or the expectant mother was actually referred to as the gossip. The verb “to gossip” was first used by Shakespeare in a birth scene to describe the idle talk that the relatives of the pregnant woman had as they waited on the midwife.

However, with time, gossip evolved into a conversation that involved rumors or hearsay about the affairs of others. Mary Gormandy, author of 101 Human Resource Management Tips cautions that gossip has serious consequences to human relationships and development including the loss of trust, reduced teamwork and productivity.

So you might be wondering how do we tell the difference between gossip and a good conversation. To help us understand this, I would like to share with you the story of the great philosopher Socrates. Has anybody heard that story about Socrates and gossip? Socrates was once stopped by an acquaintance as he walked through the markets. “I’ve something important to tell you,” the acquaintance said. “It’s about your friend.”

“That’s very kind of you,” Socrates said. “But, don’t tell me just yet. I run all information through a Three Filter Test to ascertain if I want to know it.” The man looked somewhat puzzled as Socrates continued, “First is the filter of truth. Whatever you want to tell me, have you seen or witnessed it first-hand?” “Umm…I actually heard it from someone,” the man said, “and, it is from a trusted source.”

“Alright. But that does not pass my first test,” Socrates added, “since you don’t know whether it’s true.”

“Second is the filter of goodness. Is that a good statement you want to make about my friend?” “Not really. That’s the reason I wanted—” Socrates interjected, “So, you want to tell me something bad about someone but don’t know if it’s true.

The last is the filter of utility.” He continued, “Your statement about my friend, is that going to be useful to me? ”Not really as such. I just wanted to share”

“Well, if the information is not necessarily true, it is not good, and, it is of no use,” Socrates concluded, “please, I don’t want to know about it.” Therefore, according to Socrates, a good conversation includes information that the speaker has experienced first-hand, speaks positively of the subject and is useful to the recipient of the message.

Mary Gormandy advises that if gossip comes your way, rise above it. So the next time someone approaches you with gossip and you want to discourage him or her, do the following. First, find out the speaker’s intention. For example, feel free to ask him: why do you want to tell me something about Sandra? This way you rack his brains and make him understand you are a responsible person. He might say something like, I just wanted to make you laugh or I just wanted you to be amazed at what happened to Sandra last week. After this proceed to ask them; would you stand by your word if I reported back to Sandra whatever you want to tell me? If they answer to the affirmative, give them a choice to proceed.

Eleanor Roosevelt would not have put it any better when she said –small minds discuss people, average minds discuss events and great minds discuss ideas. Ladies and gentlemen let us take up the challenge to be more mindful of our conversations because words once spoken cannot be recalled.